hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
