I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
