would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
