Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
