420 ftw
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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