I am puke
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
