If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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