I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
