shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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