How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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