dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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