i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
