Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Randomize
Follow @tfln