it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
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Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
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He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina