this boner is exhausting
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.