You really coming over, don't trick.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.