Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.