since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty