Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
