so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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