Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
