he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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