he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
