Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
