the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
