I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
