That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
