but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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