so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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