My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
