I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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