the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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