Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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