Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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