i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Randomize
