I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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