I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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