I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
