Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
