Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
