I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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