I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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