You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
