we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So much Jack, so little girl.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
