So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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