somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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