I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
