There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
