The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
