Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
