At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
