His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
