you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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