C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
