I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
