I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
