He disabled his match.com account in front of me
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
