i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
