I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
