That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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