I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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