i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
