If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
