you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
