So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
