That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
jump out the window naked night went bad
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
